THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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