Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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