I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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