Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
