my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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