Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
