spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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