Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
