winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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