So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I did not marry a roomba.
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