never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
