I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
