I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
