No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
