If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
