So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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