so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize