I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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