New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
