Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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