brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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