before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
