I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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