If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
