Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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