Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
