WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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