I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
