Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
