dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
