Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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