So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
