i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
