I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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