I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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