I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
