what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
