Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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