I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
