Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
