Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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