Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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