just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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