she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
