So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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