I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Of course I have a pirate flag
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
