Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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