I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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