Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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