'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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