just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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