He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
