The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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