What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
