Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
