I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
