i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
