How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
