He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
