my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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