so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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