he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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