I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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