I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
