Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
