is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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