i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
