there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
