I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize