My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
