I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
