somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize