i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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