He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
