i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
