a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
