just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
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