im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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