i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
