Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
