why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We left an ass print on the piano.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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