Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have fence marks all over my body
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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