youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
