She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
