I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
