so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
