I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize