girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
