even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
