Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
