I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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